A Letter to my Teenage Self

Dear Teenage Ksen,

I’ll bet you didn’t think you’d hear from me, your future self. I write to you from the year 2020 (and boy what a year it is) at the age of 25. I know you’ve thought about that age for a while now, wondering what your life turns out to be like, who your husband is, if you even have one, what your kids are like. I can tell you, it’s beautiful, but more on that later.

Your biggest concern at the moment is trying to fit in, keeping friends, wondering about your future. The usual teenage concerns. I will tell you that when you’re 25, even earlier than that, you’ll laugh at your teenage worries. They’ll seem so small and unimportant even though as a teenager, those worries are your whole life. The truth is, the summer after you graduate high school, you lose connections with pretty much all your high school friends. The closest ones keep contact, but for the most part, you won’t talk to anyone from high school. So don’t stress so much about making all the friends or being noticed. No one will care in a year or two. The friends that you make as an adult are the ones who will be closest to you. Don’t stress so much about what your friends think of you. They won’t decide your future. If you do one wrong thing or dress the wrong way, all of sudden they’re not very friendly. You’ve experienced it before. You don’t need those types of people in your life. They will do nothing but put you down and you should learn to stand up for yourself early on.

Don’t ever make fun of people. You’ll soon learn that you don’t know what’s going on in people’s lives. Sometimes you will meet someone who is going through the worst season of their life. Jesus teaches us to love, so love. Don’t hate on people. Don’t make fun of them and if your friends start to make fun of someone, stand up for that person. It says a whole lot more about you if you join in or keep silent during a time like that. The truth is, if your friends are making fun of people in front of you, they’re probably doing it to you behind your back.

Watch the words that you say and how you say them. The truth is, cursing and swearing isn’t as cool as you might think it is. I know it’s tempting when all your friends drop swear words every other word in a sentence. Here is the thing, the sooner you learn to speak without using those words the better you’ll sound. You sound stupid and unintelligent when you cuss. Anybody can swear but it takes a more intelligent person to phrase sentences without having to use swear words. Not only that, but you’re a Christian. If someone who is having a conversation with you can’t tell that you’re a Christian because of the words you say, you’re not doing it right. The Bible teaches us that the words we say come from our hearts. If all your words are negative, cursing, and talking bad about others, what does that say about your heart? If your words are uplifting and encouraging, what does THAT say about your heart?

You should know now since you’ll learn in it a few years anyway…mom is right. Mom is pretty much always right. You got so mad at her when she wouldn’t let you leave home to go to a large university like all your high school friends are doing. But guess what? You got a degree and ended school with $0 in debt or student loans. Meanwhile, your friends will likely be paying off their school loans for so many more years to come. Despite what you think now, you actually won’t feel like you’ve missed out on a “college experience.” You’ll be thankful for mom’s wisdom in pointing you in the right direction.

Also, mom was right in a lot of other things you wish she wasn’t right in. You’re not as smart as you might think and one day when you start paying your own bills and working, you’ll appreciate her more. You’ll appreciate how she came home after work to cook dinner for a family of 7 with no thank-yous. You’ll understand why she was so upset when the house was a huge mess after she left it clean that morning. You’ll know how she felt and you’ll feel all of these things one day.

Mom was also right for sheltering you. For reading the messages that boys wrote to you and having full access to your social media accounts. You think she is being nosey and not respecting your space and privacy. But that comes from a place of protection for you. Be conscious of what you post online. It is so important not only for your privacy but also for your safety. Be glad that mom cares enough to not let you be independent quite yet on social media. Be thankful that she has full access to your accounts because it saves you from a lot of unnecessary drama. You’re not old enough to be independent yet when it comes to the internet and you’ll be thankful for her later.

You do a good job of this for the most part, but in case you’re tempted, stay away from boys. Boys during your teenage years are a terrible idea. You won’t marry any of them which means they’ll leave your heart broken. If you’re worried about your lack of “experience,” don’t be. Boys will pressure you and make you feel bland if you don’t do certain things, but don’t fall for it. Your body is yours and your heart belongs to you until you’re ready to commit to someone forever. There is nothing better than telling your husband he’s the only boy you’ve ever kissed. Protect your heart with everything. Protect your purity with everything. Boys that pressure you or call you a “prude” when you say no are never going to love you like you deserve. Boys like that will never ever care about your feelings or your decisions or your opinions. They’ll only care about their own. You’ll find the one and he will respect you and your decisions. The right man will not pressure you and if he does he’ll apologize for it. He won’t make you feel bad for saying no.

You should really open up more to a trusted adult in your life. I know sometimes it’s hard to talk to mom because you’re afraid of getting in trouble. If you don’t want to open to her, open up to someone else: an aunt, a mentor, or maybe your youth leader. Having accountability from an adult during your teenage years will set you up for success in the future. Your problems are not just yours. Believe it or not, a lot of teenagers are going through what you might be. Use your words and communicate what you’re feeling with someone who will encourage you and pray with you.

Finally, read your Bible. I know you don’t right now and you feel guilty for it. As a teen, it’s hard to find the motivation or the love for God’s word like you will later on in life. But when you learn to love the Bible, an entirely new life opens up to you. One where your beliefs are solely your own and not your parents’. Reading your Bible will give your mind some independence. You can withstand temptations better and you can stand up for your faith, something that is kind of embarrassing to do as a teen. So do it. Take your Bible off the windowsill in your room and dust it off. It will change your life.

When you’re 25, you think about your teenage years a lot. The good and the bad. You think about the worries that filled your mind and they make you laugh. God has blessed you tremendously. You are married to an incredible man (who you will meet in a few years by the way) and you have the most precious little boy, Danik. I know right now it feels like you’ll never leave Colorado, but you actually end up leaving and settling in Charlotte, NC. Your life is beautiful and everything that you are is a result of you were back then.

Love,

25 year old you

PS: Lay off the sepia photo filters. One day you’ll want a photo of your teenage self and all of them are now with a sepia filter 😁